Last Tuesday turned into a fight and now I cannot even remember what started it maybe something as small as the dishes.
Or was it about plans for the weekend?
It got heated. Voices were raised. I said something sharper than I meant to. He walked away frustrated.
And for a moment, I panicked. Is this normal? Are we okay? Is fighting this much a sign something’s wrong?
Then we cooled down. Talked it through. Apologized. Figured it out.
And I realized: we’re fine. Better than fine, actually.
Because healthy marriages don’t look like the movies. They’re not all hand-holding and sunset walks and never disagreeing.
Sometimes they’re messy. Sometimes you argue about stupid things. Sometimes you get on each other’s nerves.
But underneath all that? There’s something solid. Something safe. Something worth protecting.
I once believed fighting meant the relationship was broken, happy couples never argued, and being truly compatible made everything feel effortless.
That’s not how it works.
Healthy marriages do not avoid conflict. They handle disagreements without destroying the foundation built together.
Instead of focusing on the number of arguments, these 12 indicators reveal much more about the strength of the relationship.
1. You Still Feel Emotionally Safe Together
Even in moments of anger with each other, safety remains.
No walking on eggshells, no fear of abandonment over a wrong word, no worry about vulnerabilities being used against each other.
Honesty is possible, mistakes happen, bad days happen, and it does not destroy the relationship.
That safety is everything.
In toxic relationships constant self-monitoring is the norm. Words are edited and parts of yourself are hidden to prevent conflict.
In healthy marriages full authenticity is possible, including the messy, imperfect, and occasionally frustrating sides.
You can tell them when they’ve hurt you without fearing they’ll get defensive or shut down. You can cry in front of them. You can admit when you’re wrong.
Safety isn’t about never fighting. It’s about knowing the relationship can handle it when you do.
2. You Fight Fair, Not to Win
When you argue, you’re not trying to destroy each other.
Old mistakes aren’t brought up, words aren’t meant to hurt, and weak spots aren’t targeted just to win.
The focus is on solving the problem, not proving who is right.
I used to fight to win. I’d pull out receipts from three years ago. I’d make sarcastic comments. I’d say whatever I needed to say to make my point.
And I’d win the argument. But damage the relationship.
Now arguments happen differently. Frustration still shows up, but both work together to solve a problem instead of trying to defeat one another.
The focus stays on the current issue, perspectives are heard, compromises are made, and resolving matters takes priority over being right.
Healthy couples still fight. They just don’t fight dirty.
3. You Both Apologize and Take Responsibility
Nobody plays the victim card forever.
Mistakes are acknowledged, apologies are offered, and they are sincere.
And they do the same.
No one keeps track of who apologized last. Pride does not prevent making the first apology. Apologies are genuine without adding buts or excuses.
Just genuine acknowledgment when you’ve hurt each other.
I know couples who go days without speaking because neither will apologize. Both waiting for the other to crack first.
That’s exhausting. And it doesn’t solve anything.
Saying sorry looks like this: I snapped at you and it wasn’t fair even though I was stressed. Simple and direct without excuses.
When an apology is offered, it is accepted, forgiveness is given, and life moves forward.
4. You Make Each Other a Priority
Life gets busy. Work is demanding. Kids need attention. Family wants time. Friends need you.
But somehow, you still make space for each other.
Not perfect, uninterrupted quality time every single day. But intentional moments. Check-ins. Connection points throughout the week.
It is not just shared chores or logistics keeping the relationship together it is intention. Couples who stay close make space for each other even when life gets full.
They don’t treat the relationship like something that will run on autopilot. They choose connection, attention, and presence on purpose, not by accident.
It doesn’t work that way.
Texting during the day is for checking in. Dinner is shared whenever possible.
Date nights are protected even when energy is low. Attention turns toward each other rather than away.
Making each other a priority doesn’t mean sacrificing everything else. It just means remembering that the relationship needs attention too.
5. You Respect Each Other’s Differences
Dishwasher loading looks different, stress is handled in another way, and opinions don’t always match.
That is fine. Exact similarity isn’t required. Differences are appreciated, approaches are respected, and their way is not wrong, just different.
There is no attempt to turn them into a clone.
Early in our marriage, I wanted my husband to process emotions the way I do. To talk through feelings immediately. To share everything.
But he needs space first. He needs time to think before talking.
I used to take that personally. Now I respect that we’re just wired differently.
You don’t criticize their methods constantly. You give space for different approaches. You find compromise instead of demanding they do things your way.
Respect means accepting them as they are, not as you wish they were.
6. You Communicate Honestly
Words match meaning without hints or mind-reading.
Concerns are expressed and needs are asked for. The same goes both ways.
There’s no silent treatment that lasts for days. No passive-aggressive comments instead of real conversation. No pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.
Honest communication feels vulnerable. It’s easier to stay quiet or hint around things than to be direct.
But healthy marriages run on honesty, not guessing games.
Clear and direct without games. When honesty is returned, it is met with listening, even when it is difficult to hear.
7. You Support Each Other’s Dreams
They want to go back to school. Start a business. Switch careers. Pick up a new hobby.
And you encourage them. Even when it’s inconvenient. Even when it means adjustments.
Because you want them to grow and thrive, not just stay comfortable.
Insecure relationships keep each other small. They’re threatened by growth or change or success.
Healthy marriages support each other and create room for growth, ambition, and personal development.
When they talk about a goal, you ask how you can help. You celebrate their wins. You adjust when needed to make room for their pursuits.
You’re invested in their happiness and fulfillment, not just your own.
8. You Still Laugh Together
Life is stressful. Marriage is hard work. Parenting is exhausting.
But you still find moments to laugh. To be silly. To not take everything so seriously.
Inside jokes and shared smiles keep playfulness alive even during heavy times.
Laughter becomes a release, a way to connect, and a reminder of genuine enjoyment together.
When couples stop laughing together, it’s usually a sign they’ve forgotten how to have fun. They’re so caught up in responsibilities and stress that they’ve lost the lightness.
Funny memes are shared, dishes are accompanied by jokes, and mistakes are met with laughter at yourselves.
Humor doesn’t fix problems. But it makes the hard stuff more bearable.
9. You Trust Each Other
Phones aren’t checked and locations or companions aren’t questioned. Trust is complete, earned through consistent reliability, not naivety.
And they trust you the same way.
There’s no jealousy spiraling into control. No accusations or suspicions about innocent interactions. No need to monitor each other’s every move.
Trust means both have separate lives, friendships, and space without the relationship feeling threatened.
They go out with friends and you don’t interrogate them. You have separate interests and it’s not a problem. You believe what they tell you.
Trust is the foundation. Without it, nothing else works.
10. You Share Responsibilities as a Team
One person isn’t carrying the entire household. One person isn’t doing all the emotional labor.
You both contribute. Maybe not 50/50 every single day, but over time it balances out.
You talk about what’s fair. You adjust when someone’s overwhelmed. You help each other without keeping score.
In unhealthy marriages, resentment builds because one person feels like they’re doing everything. The other feels criticized constantly.
But in healthy ones? You’re genuinely working as partners. Figuring it out together.
You both handle different tasks. You step up when your partner is stressed. You express appreciation for what they do.
It’s not perfect division. But it’s equitable enough that neither person feels like they’re drowning alone.
11. You Show Affection Regularly
Little touches throughout the day. A kiss goodbye. Holding hands on the couch. A hug in the kitchen.
Physical affection doesn’t disappear just because you’ve been together for years.
It might look different than early dating. It’s not always passionate or intense. But it’s consistent.
You still reach for each other. Still show warmth. Still make physical connection a normal part of daily life.
That ongoing affection keeps you bonded. It’s a nonverbal reminder that you’re connected, you’re together, you still choose this.
Casual touches in passing. Cuddling while watching TV. Quick kisses for no reason. Physical presence that says “I’m here, I’m yours.”
Affection doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to be regular.
12. You Both Choose Each Other Every Day
This is the big one.
Not out of obligation. Not because it is easier than starting over. You stay because even on the frustrating days this is still the person you choose.
Some days that choice is easy. Other days it requires effort. But you make it anyway.
Marriage isn’t a one time decision. It’s a daily renewal. A constant recommitment.
And both of you are doing it. Not just one person holding on while the other coasts.
Investment continues even when tired. Problems are faced instead of ignored. Presence is consistent because making it work matters.
Choosing each other doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’re both committed to figuring it out.
From a Place of Care
I need you to hear this.
Occasional fights don’t mean a marriage is failing. They show two people with different perspectives building a life together.
Handling disagreements safely, apologizing without keeping score, and prioritizing each other even in chaos is what makes a marriage healthy.
Don’t compare your marriage to social media highlight reels. Don’t measure yourself against couples who never seem to argue.
Those perfect marriages don’t exist. They’re just better at hiding the messy parts.
A marriage with flaws, arguments, and frustrations can still be strong. If it shows these 12 signs, it is healthier than it feels.
Perfection is not required, what matters is safety, trust, effort, commitment, laughter and respect.
Two people who choose each other, face challenges together, and keep showing up make it work.
That’s what a healthy marriage looks like. Not the absence of conflict, but the presence of genuine partnership underneath it all.
Instead of stressing about how often arguments happen, focus on whether these signs are present.
If they are, the relationship is strong and growing. Something real, solid, and worth protecting is being built.
Keep showing up, choosing each other, handling conflicts with care, and embracing both the messy and the beautiful. This is true marriage, the kind that endures.
And it’s more than enough.