He said all the right things. Texted consistently. Made plans. Acted genuinely invested.
Three months in, the question came: where is this going.
The answer was the opposite of his behavior. Not ready for anything serious.
The actions pointed one way. The words pointed another.
That’s when I learned: don’t listen to what he does. Listen to what he says when you ask direct questions.
Because actions can be misleading. Guys can act interested without wanting commitment.
They can invest time without investing emotion. They can seem serious while keeping all their options open.
But words? Words reveal intention. If you ask the right questions.
Most women avoid these questions because they fear looking intense or demanding.
People hold on, hoping things will eventually make sense.
They read into every gesture, every message, searching for meaning.
Meanwhile, he maintains just enough involvement to keep the connection alive without offering anything solid.
Hope lingers, waiting for clarity that may never come.
Every look, every word, is analyzed for hidden meaning.
At the same time, he stays just engaged enough to keep things moving, without making any real commitment.
His answer, or his silence, makes the truth unmistakable.
9 Questions That Reveal a Guy’s True Intentions
1. What are you looking for right now in a relationship?
Forget maybe someday, focus on what he actually wants at this moment.
This shows whether he’s truly open to what you want. Some want casual, some serious, some are unsure, and some aren’t seeking anything but enjoy the attention.
Pay attention to vague answers. “Just seeing where things go” usually means no commitment. “Focused on work” often means no room for a relationship.
Direct answers reveal intention. Saying I am looking for something serious or I want to date casually is honest and actionable.
Vague responses like I don’t like to label things, let’s just see what happens, or anything that avoids the question offer nothing to work with.
2. How do you handle conflicts or disagreements?
This seems like a random question. It’s not.
How someone handles conflict tells you how they’ll treat you when things get hard. And things always get hard.
Do they shut down? Lash out? Avoid? Communicate? Take responsibility?
Healthy responses mention communication, taking time to cool down, listening to the other person’s perspective, finding solutions.
Unhealthy responses blame the other person, mention giving silent treatment, talk about “winning” arguments, or show no self-awareness.
If he says he cuts people off when they cross him, trust that this is how he will treat you.
Anything that shows no accountability, no communication skills, or patterns of ghosting/avoiding when things get difficult.
3. What does commitment mean to you?
People define commitment differently. You need to know his definition.
For some, commitment means exclusivity. For others, it means moving toward marriage. For some, it just means consistent communication.
Don’t assume you’re on the same page. Ask.
Does his definition of commitment align with yours? If he thinks commitment means texting every day but you think it means exclusivity, you’re not aligned.
Notice whether he describes commitment through actions or emotions.
Saying commitment means choosing someone every day is different from saying it is simply when you really feel it.
“I don’t really believe in labels” or “Commitment is outdated” or anything that dismisses the concept entirely.
4. Where do you see yourself in the next few years?
This isn’t just about career. It’s about life trajectory.
Does he see himself married? In the same city? Settled down? Still exploring?
His answer tells you if his timeline aligns with yours and whether you fit into his vision.
Notice whether his future vision includes a partner or if it’s entirely focused on solo achievements.
Saying he sees himself traveling the world is very different from saying he envisions building a family.
Neither is wrong. But if your visions don’t align, one of you will be disappointed.
Complete avoidance of the question or a future that clearly doesn’t include room for a serious relationship.
5. What do you expect from a partner?
This reveals what he thinks his role is and what yours would be.
Does he expect someone to support his dreams while he pursues them? Does he expect equal partnership? Does he expect someone to fit into his life without him adjusting his?
Expectations about support, compromise, roles, and effort. Are they reasonable? One-sided? Flexible?
Does he mention what he offers in return or only what he expects to receive?
Expectations that focus only on what he receives without considering what he contributes are warning signs.
For example, saying he needs someone low-maintenance who doesn’t ask for much signals a red flag.
6. How do you feel about exclusivity?
Don’t assume. Ask directly.
Some guys are seeing multiple people. Some consider exclusivity automatic after a few dates. Others need months before they’re ready to commit to one person.
You need to know where he stands.
Does he value exclusivity? How long does he typically date before becoming exclusive? Is he currently seeing other people?
Clear, direct answers are good. Evasive answers mean he’s probably keeping options open.
Saying you should not be exclusive until engagement, preferring to keep things open, or dodging the question altogether reveals their stance on commitment.
7. What are your deal-breakers in a relationship?
This reveals his non negotiables. What he won’t tolerate. What matters most to him.
It also shows self-awareness. Has he thought about what he needs? Or is he just winging it?
Are his deal-breakers reasonable? Do they align with your values?
If his deal-breakers are all about what he can’t tolerate from a partner without mentioning his own responsibilities, that’s telling.
Non negotiables should focus on character, not control.
For example, not dating someone who is dishonest is valid, while refusing someone just because they have friends of the opposite sex is superficial.
8. How do you show love or affection?
This is about love languages, but framed differently.
Does he show love through words? Actions? Time? Touch? Gifts?
You need to know if the way he expresses love is something you’ll recognize and value.
Specific examples make it clear, such as I show love by spending quality time or I value words of affirmation.
If he can’t answer this question, he probably hasn’t thought much about how he shows up in relationships.
“I don’t really do affection” or “I show love by not leaving” (yes, I’ve heard this).
9. What are your priorities right now?
This is the big one. Because priorities reveal where he’s investing his time and energy.
If you’re a priority, you’ll know. If you’re an option, you’ll feel it.
Where does a relationship fit in his list of priorities? Is it top three? Top five? Nowhere on the list?
Saying he is focused on his career and has little time for anything else shows exactly where you stand.
Priorities that leave zero room for a relationship while he’s actively dating. If he’s too busy for a relationship, he shouldn’t be dating.
My Recommendation
Ask these questions early. Not on the first date, but definitely within the first few weeks.
Don’t wait until you’re attached or months in before facing the truth.
Trust what he says. If he is not interested in something serious, does not value commitment, or has no room for a relationship, accept it. Men reveal themselves, pay attention.
Most heartbreak comes from ignoring clear answers, hoping he’ll change, or thinking you’re the exception.
These questions are not meant to trap him, they help you gain clarity to make decisions for your life.
If his answers don’t match what you want, step away early, before it’s complicated or painful.
The right guy will respect your honesty and respond clearly. The wrong one will dodge, deflect, or make you feel unreasonable. That tells you everything you need to know.
Stop wasting time on guys who won’t give you straight answers. Stop hoping ambiguity will turn into commitment.
Ask the questions. Listen to the answers. Make decisions based on reality, not potential.
You deserve someone who knows what he wants and is clear about whether that includes you. Don’t settle for less.