You know that feeling in your gut?
The one that whispers something’s wrong, but you keep pushing it away?
Maybe it feels like just a rough patch, something every marriage goes through, something that will get better with time.
But deep down, you know.
Spark fading, connection feeling forced, distance growing.
Living together yet feeling alone, talking without truly communicating, moving through the motions without emotion.
The scariest part is not knowing when it began or how to fix it.
Here’s the truth: most marriages don’t end because of one big blowup. They end because of a thousand small moments of disconnection that nobody addressed.
The good news? If you can recognize the warning signs early, you can still turn things around.
Marriage problems don’t fix themselves. But they can be fixed if both people are willing to do the work.
Let’s talk about 10 ways to tell a marriage is in trouble and what can be done to fix it.
#1: Constant Criticism Instead of Constructive Feedback
Nothing he does is right. The way he loads the dishwasher. How he talks to the kids. His work habits.
You’ve stopped giving feedback and started just criticizing everything.
Or maybe he’s the one nitpicking everything about you.
Why it’s a problem:
Constant criticism erodes respect and self-esteem. It creates defensiveness and shuts down communication.
Nobody wants to be around someone who makes them feel inadequate all the time.
How to save it:
Switch from criticism to requests.
Instead of “You never help around here,” try “Can you help me with dinner tonight?”
Swap “Always on the phone” with “Would love to spend some quality time together.”
Focus on what you want, not what they’re doing wrong.
Here’s the kicker: for each criticism, offer five compliments—the balance that keeps relationships healthy.
#2: Emotional Distance
You’re in the same room but feel miles apart.
Conversations stay surface-level. Nobody’s sharing feelings, fears, or dreams anymore.
Stopped being vulnerable because it no longer feels safe.
Why it’s a problem:
Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds marriage together. Without it, you’re just roommates.
Distance grows silently until realizing the person beside you feels like a stranger.
How to save it:
Start small. Ask deeper questions.
“What’s been on your mind lately?”
“What’s on your mind lately?”
“What’s making you happy right now?”
Share your own feelings too. Be vulnerable first. Create safety for your partner to open up.
Schedule regular check-ins where you actually talk about your emotional state, not just logistics.
#3: Lack of Intimacy
Sex has become rare. Or non-existent.
It’s more than physical; affection has faded too, with no kissing, cuddling, or touch.
Stopped making one another feel desired.
Why it’s a problem:
Physical intimacy is how many people feel loved and connected. Without it, rejection and resentment build up.
It’s deeper than sex; it’s about feeling wanted by a partner.
How to save it:
Talk about it. I know it’s awkward, but avoiding the conversation makes it worse.
“I miss being close to you.”
“Can we talk about how to reconnect physically?”
Start with non-sexual touch. Hold hands. Hug longer. Cuddle on the couch.
Rebuild physical comfort before jumping straight to sex.
And if there are underlying issues (stress, hormones, past hurt), consider seeing a therapist together.
#4: Frequent Arguments Over Small Things
The toothpaste cap. Whose turn it is to do dishes. How loud the TV is.
Everything becomes a battle. Even the smallest things trigger huge fights.
Why it’s a problem:
Constant fighting over small stuff means there are bigger issues underneath that aren’t being addressed.
Not really angry about the toothpaste, but about feeling unheard, unappreciated, or disconnected.
How to save it:
Stop fighting about the surface issue and dig deeper.
“Why am I really upset right now?”
“What’s the real issue here?”
Often, it’s about feeling disrespected, ignored, or taken for granted.
Address the root problem, not the symptom. And learn to let small things go. Not everything is worth a fight.
#5: Feeling Unappreciated
You do so much, but it goes unnoticed. Unacknowledged. Taken for granted.
And over time, that feeling builds into resentment.
Why it’s a problem:
When people feel unappreciated, they stop trying. Why put in effort if nobody notices or cares?
Eventually, one person checks out emotionally.
How to save it:
Start expressing gratitude. Both of you.
“Thank you for doing that.”
“I appreciate how hard you work.”
“I noticed what you did, and it means a lot.”
Make appreciation a daily habit, not something you only do on special occasions.
If feeling unappreciated, speak up: “I need to hear that my efforts are noticed.”
#6: Avoiding Each Other
You both find excuses to be busy. Working late. Spending extra time with friends. Staying on your phone.
Anything to avoid being alone together.
Why it’s a problem:
Avoidance is a sign that being around each other feels uncomfortable or draining.
And the more you avoid, the wider the gap becomes.
How to save it:
Force proximity. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes you have to push through the discomfort.
Plan time together. Even if it feels awkward at first.
Do something low-pressure. Go for a walk. Watch a show. Sit outside with coffee.
The goal isn’t deep conversation at first, just being together without distractions.
Closeness has to be rebuilt intentionally.
#7: Secretive or Dishonest Behavior
Deleting messages, hiding purchases, or being unclear about recent whereabouts or company.
Trust is eroding because someone’s keeping secrets.
Why it’s a problem:
Secrets create distance. And dishonesty destroys the foundation of marriage.
Even small lies add up and make your partner question everything.
How to save it:
Be honest. Bring whatever is hidden into the open.
“I haven’t been honest about something, and I need to tell you.”
Yes, it’ll be hard. Yes, there might be anger or hurt. But secrecy is worse.
Rebuilding trust takes time, but it starts with transparency and consistency.
If the one deceived, decide whether rebuilding is possible; if so, set clear boundaries and expectations for the future.
#8: Resentment and Holding Grudges
Still holding onto anger from something that happened months or even years ago.
Every new argument brings up old wounds. Nothing ever feels resolved.
Why it’s a problem:
Resentment is poison. It keeps you stuck in the past and prevents you from moving forward.
You can’t build a future when you’re constantly dragging the past into every conversation.
How to save it:
Forgiveness. Real, intentional forgiveness.
That doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing bad behavior. It means choosing to release the grip that hurt has on you.
Talk through the old hurt. Actually resolve it instead of just sweeping it under the rug.
If you can’t do it alone, get help. A therapist can facilitate those hard conversations.
#9: Feeling Like Roommates Instead of Partners
You manage the household together. Split bills. Coordinate schedules.
Romance is gone, passion is absent, and both emotional and physical connection are missing.
You’re coexisting, not thriving.
Why it’s a problem:
Marriage goes beyond logistics; if it becomes only that, the heart of the relationship is lost.
How to save it:
Date each other again. Seriously.
Plan something fun. Be intentional about romance.
Flirt. Compliment each other. Do something spontaneous.
Reconnect emotionally before trying to fix everything else.
Remember what made you fall in love in the first place, and create new moments that remind you why you’re together.
#10: Avoiding Difficult Conversations
There are things that need to be said, but nobody’s saying them.
Walking on eggshells, afraid to rock the boat, pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
Why it’s a problem:
Unspoken issues don’t disappear. They fester and grow until they explode.
Avoiding hard conversations creates a false sense of peace. Underneath, the problems are still there.
How to save it:
Have the conversation. Even if it’s uncomfortable.
Choose a calm moment, not in the middle of a fight or when completely exhausted.
“We need to talk about something that’s been bothering me.”
Speak from your perspective. “I feel…” instead of “You always…”
And listen. Really listen to your partner’s side without getting defensive.
Difficult conversations are the price of a healthy marriage. Avoiding them costs you more in the long run.
From What I’ve Seen
I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. Marriage is hard.
Some seasons are harder than others. And sometimes you hit a point where you wonder if it’s even worth saving.
But here’s what I know from watching marriages that survived rough patches: the ones that made it weren’t perfect.
They were just willing to fight for it.
Both people had to choose each other over their pride, their hurt, their exhaustion.
They had to have the hard conversations. Do the uncomfortable work. Show up even when they didn’t feel like it.
And slowly, things shifted. Connection returned. Intimacy rebuilt. Trust restored.
Not overnight. But over time.
If these situations feel familiar in your marriage, don’t panic and don’t give up just yet.
Recognizing the problem is the first step. Now you have to decide: are you willing to do something about it?
Talk to your spouse. Be honest about where you are. Suggest counseling if you need it.
Marriage is worth fighting for. But both people have to be in the ring.
If you’re ready to fight, there’s hope.
Begin today. Begin with small steps. Just begin.
Your marriage can come back from this. It just takes intention, effort, and commitment from both of you.
Don’t wait until it’s too late.